I have discovered the secrets to perfect skin.
As a disclaimer, I’ve always had beautiful skin. Bless or blame the good genetics. As such, I’m in no position to give advice on skin conditions or super sensitive skin. But if your skin is generally healthy, these tips might help you rise above. They sure worked for me.
1. Ditch the Diet Coke. This one’s big. Guys, for years, for DECADES, I was the world’s most hardcore Diet Coke drinker. I drank it for breakfast. Yes, really. A huge fountain cup filled with Diet Coke was the magic tonic to cure my ills. I swore I’d be buried clutching a 20 oz bottle. I tried to quit. I tried to quit SO MANY TIMES. It just never stuck. And then….it did. I was talking to a friend who’s been off it for two years (I’m talking to you, LoMo!) and she said that trying to “regulate” her intake didn’t work at all. She had to go completely cold turkey and she hasn’t had one in 2 years. She said she noticed two things immediately: she slept like a log, and her skin glowed. Something about what she said inspired me, and I vowed (noisily, with a bunch of people listening) that I was going to stop, too. No one thought I was serious. I didn’t think I was serious. But lo….
I haven’t had a Diet Coke in two months.
I know it doesn’t sound like much, but when you consider that THREE PER DAY was pretty normal, it’s huge. I’ve replaced my Diet Coke with iced tea. Or soda water, if I’m craving that carbonated burn (God, I love the burn). I trick out my water with slices of lemon and cucumber. On drinking nights, rum-and-diets have turned into vodka-tonics or sodas-with-bitters. And guys…
My skin is fucking beautiful.
As I said, I’ve always had nice skin (it’s ok, God punished me with laughably terrible metabolism to balance it out), but it’s always been a touch on the dry side with rather large pores. And as much as I moisturized, the skin along my jawline was never perfectly smooth.
Until now.
Guys, newborn babies don’t have bums as soft as my face.
Oh, and the sleep thing is true, too. Sleeping like a log. There are lots of reasons to ditch the Demon DC. It’s ok if your skin is one of them!
2. Get awesome products. No one loves drugstore beauty more than I do. And while I think it’s totally ok and awesome to scrimp and save where you can on makeup products (check out EyesLipsFace.com immediately), your skincare should be as top-of-the-line as you can afford. For me, the Dermalogica line has been a game changer. My skin has improved 100%. I have naturally pink cheeks, which are lovely and charming, but can QUICKLY turn into lobster face if I’m not taking good care of my skin.
I’ve been lobster-face free for as long as I’ve used Dermalogica. They have all kinds of products for all kinds of skin. Here’s the tricky part: they.are.expensive. Getting the whole line could easily eat up a paycheck.
This is why I’d recommend shelling out for one perfect product and then supplementing with more cost-effective items for the rest of your routine. For my money, I’d go for the Intensive Moisturizer Balance or the Daily Microfoliant. Talk to my girl Angie at A Cut Above, and She’ll help you find the exact right thing for your skin. Full Disclosure: the owner is my boyfriend’s mother. But the lady knows her skincare, and I swear no one asked/bribed/cajoled/blackmailed/threatened me into writing this!
Or maybe you’re one of those lucky bitches who looks radiant with drugstore beauty purchases alone and doesn’t need to splurge on the high-end stuff. In which case, screw you. Go start your own blog and talk about how perfect your life is or something.
3. Drink Apple Cider Vinegar. This miracle elixir will change your life and give you movie star skin and hair. And yes, it tastes gross, but you quickly get over that in light of how STUNNING you look. Now, I’m sure there are lots of science-y reasons why this stuff is so bomb for our skin. But you’ll have to google them, because I could give a crap as to why it works. But I do know that it works.
I’ll tell you from personal experience that this stuff is amazing. First off, buy only organic. You’re drinking the stuff, for God’s sake, shell out the extra $1. There are some hardcore people who drink the stuff straight. I tried that once and no. Not ever. Some people mix it with water or juice, some put it in tea with raw honey. For my part, I like to put a tablespoon of ACV in plain sparkling water and drink it in the morning. For serious. It replaces the Diet Coke-shaped hole in my heart come breakfast time. Try it for one week and let me know what you think. Many say that Braggs is the brand to go with, but I’ve been quite pleased with my Trader Joe’s stuff. If you’re looking for more info, try here, here, and here. Although, in the interest of full disclosure, it may not work for everyone.
4. Coconut oil. This stuff is BOMB. Start adding a tablespoon or two of cold-pressed organic coconut oil in your bath and you’ll never need lotion again.
I keep a jar on my bathroom counter for easily-available body-moisturizing goodness. Coconut oil is also popular for maintaining gorgeous hair, but take warning–it’s devilish tricky to get out, often requiring two shampoos. And never, EVER get it on the roots of your hair. It’ll look greasy for days. But a touch in the bath, a touch more on rough spots and maybe a bit in the ends of your hair and you’re gorgeous from head to toe.
Alright, babes, go forth and get your beauty on!







I’m 13 months sober from the evils of DC. Welcome to the club! I used to drink industrial quantities of the stuff.
Someone should start a support group for us!